I am going to present a simple 5-step process for how to cancel other people today. In fact, you’ll find that this technique is so reliable and powerful, that it can also work for cancelling groups of people, even organizations — even entire movements.
But before we begin, let’s explore Why to Cancel. “Can’t we just all get along?”
Of course we want to make it seem like we want to get along with others. This is because if you actually say that you don’t really care about other people, you will lose social rank pretty fast. Which would be insane because the whole point is to stay high in the social ladder, right?
That said, we all know that nobody really cares about others. It’s every man for himself and you’re either good at it or you’re not. May the best man win!
And let’s not be hard on ourselves here, losing rank is extremely dangerous. It can happen fast, and once you’re down at the bottom, they’re hurting you — and it hurts and it’s scary. Then you have no choice but to grovel before them and become their servant in order to prevent them from tying you to the train track. This is about survival, friend, and it’s serious.
Cancelling is the most effective way to maintain high rank in almost any group. But don’t just take my word for it. Try it for yourself; I am confident you will be more than satisfied with your results.
1) Select your target. While cancelling can work on any target in the world (remember the crucifixion of Jesus?), it’s much easier and less stressful to cancel people who are already socially fumbling. My favorites are actually neurodiverse people. Not like — clearly autistic or anything— but the ones that are just kinda weird. Low charisma, unconventional sense of humor, awkward posture or body language.. this is the low-hanging fruit that will be easiest to harvest, bringing you the riches of popularity, safety, maybe even fame! There is clearly something “off” about them anyway, so why keep them around in the first place? It’s only natural to want to cleanse your ingroup.
2) Get offended. What you get offended by is not important, you can get offended by anything they do or don’t do. You can even invent what offended you altogether or say that it happened in the past but that you didn’t want to mention it before now. You only need to say that you can tell that your target has malicious intent, regardless of their measurable behaviors.
The strategy here is to begin to onboard the group to a new social reality. The more you can use your body language or inflammatory language to theatrically convey how incredibly upset (offended, disturbed, disgusted, etc.) you are, the more people will run to your side to support you and defend you.
Depending on where you are in rank, you may need to start off by playing a bit of hard-to-get by using very subtle body language to signal that you feel something has gone wrong. Your first allies will notice you close your eyes with a bit of strain, or shift your posture into a vaguely defensive one. “What’s the matter friend?!” they will say. Now your cancellation campaign is becoming real.
On the other hand, I find that saying that I “don’t feel safe” has a particularly powerful impact on others, so that virtually everyone will then be compelled to rescue me. Whichever outliers are left on the sidelines having not defended me at that point are then marked for future cancellation themselves.
3) Talk to your friends. If there is no one around when you launch your campaign, or if you need more social support for this cancelling to work that’s not a problem. You just might have to invest in a bit more gossiping to work up a nice lather of sympathy for your experience.
Once you launch this campaign, you are re-framing your target’s reputation, and if you follow these instructions, it will take almost no time before you can actively cancel them with the flick of a word. Depending on your context, you might call them a “godless communist” or a “white supremacist”, or “ecofascist”. Really, the sky’s the limit here, the point is to signal in terms of certainty that this person is a “bad guy” (but don’t say “bad guy”…that stops working after elementary school).
A key point here is to say the target’s name into public spaces while dropping in pieces of your cancellation narrative. IE. John Doe is harming [this organization] with his [scary descriptors] [ambiguous allegations] [scary descriptors] [fabricated allegations].
Speak with deep care and concern for the wellbeing of others in the group whom you allege are threatened by your target, and use casual certainty for maximum effect.
4) Nobody can talk to target. Hopefully by now you have adequately established the socially constructed belief that your target cannot be trusted, but to keep things aboveboard with your cancellation, do not speak to your target, nor ever acknowledge the target except in third person. When you do speak of the target never leave your own narrative and never speak directly to what they have said about who they are or why they have done what they have done. By now, that stuff is already cancelled. If the target attempts to explain themselves or correct your story, immediately declare they are lying, and that this is all the more reason not to trust them. Don’t forget to point out that they are gaslighting. You’re gold.
On the off chance one of your allies does speak to them, especially if they are curious or compassionate toward the target, immediately call that person “biased” and cancel them as well.
In this way, you will find your supporters becoming more and more determined to do whatever is necessary to prove to you their loyalty.
5) Let your mob do the rest, and compliment them for their hard work. Now that you have laid the groundwork for this new social reality, it will run it’s own course. You won’t even have to be the one to suggest your target’s ultimate social end…your friends will come up with the idea on their own and you will be proud of them. Have a cool relaxing drink while they do the hard work of keeping you safe.
There’s really nothing quite so reassuring as the distant sound of someone else’s scream being drowned out by an oncoming train, is there?